Spring 2012 - Providence -
This house could be haunted. This is the backyard. In haunted backyards the bushes are spherical in shape. Inside the house the rocking chairs move. Sometimes just rocking but other times after you’ve been drinking, several hours pass, add a bottle of Jagermeister, a dinner that consists of cheese and half a tortilla, walk a block to the haunted place. You are house sitting this ghostly chamber. You ascend the stairs. Notice the rocking chair is in the middle of the stair well. It was 30 feet from the stairs last you saw it. Move the chair, slam the door, and wake up in urine stained sheets.
When I asked the owner of the house about ghosts and the sound of a ladder being thrown across the basement. “I don’t know what that is, but I hear it too.”
December 2013 - Providence 195 westbound
Maybe if I wasn’t driving while trying to take this photo it would have ended up better.
But It didn’t.
2010? - Boston Harbor - The story for this post was to be full of anecdotes, allusions and other literary terms that start with A.
But the shoe that i’ve been walking around my house with for the last half hour is covered with something that comes out an animals letter A.
If B stands for better than we can move on to the next letter. But I think it stands for Bowels.
coming soon: the vocabulary of defeat
July 2013- Providence - Perhaps I’m breaking my own rules by branching out and posting a video. There’s this dog that’s been living in my garage, I can’t seem to get him out. At least the stray cats are almost gone.
June 2013 - New Woodstock - Since I had no inquiries about the Brat. (see two posts below) and not a single person liked my story about eating pubic hairs at Burger King. I thought I would post an even shittier car that I saw for sale. They are asking 1000 dollars for it. This car will never be a brat, It will never have T-tops and will probably never leave this driveway.
If you buy this car it will however lead to a divorce, it has to. This automobile was meant to break hearts, the Brat was meant to mend them.
So If you have a broken heart, and it’s a late night. The kind where you’re stirring in your sleep, your bed is too small, but the world is too large and you need someone to talk to. Feel free to call me. Your collect calls won’t be denied. xo
June 2013 - Chittenango - When i was still eating meat I would stop at the Burger King in Chittenango which remains a mile from this sign. I never had a camera on me so I was never able to take a picture of it. Obviously that’s been amended.
The last time I went to that Burger King, I bought a value meal but had to throw the burger out the window. When I ripped it in half there was a mound of what could only be black pubic hair poking out from either side. I gagged a few times but then ate the french fries.
June 2013 - Cazenovia - After I had the Brat shipped from Missouri, I had the Salvaged title cleared in Maine. The first day the car was on the road, A Porsche Suv hit the passenger side of it. I picked the door trim up off the side of the highway and went about my way. I received a check for eleven dollars (it was never cashed) and the trim has sat in the bed since.
The tailgate latch doesn’t work even though I replaced the handle. There was a hornet’s nest inside when I tried to take a look at it and I promptly closed it. It’s dry in there and they seem to enjoy the changing scenery.
The speedometer hasn’t worked since I’ve had the car. I’m certain this car could never go above 70 mph. So in my opinion it’s not necessary. I’ve been judging speeds by the tachometer and have never been pulled over for speeding in this car.
I was however pulled over in Narragansett, Rhode Island one summer for failing to yield at a rotary. It was late and I was drunk but was with a girl I was seeing at the time. I had rented a hotel room on the beach and our relationship was over by the time I dropped her off at her house.
I’m looking to sell this car for a fair price. The odometer has just over 106,000 miles on it, but it hasn’t worked in 5 years.
$ 3,500 obo
May 2013 - Providence - At certain points in my life I’ve been extremely hesitant on modern technology. Whether it’s been telephones, digital cameras, or glasses. Everything has its downside and I’m prone to amplifying them.
On a recent trip from Boston to Providence: I left my wallet in the latter city and my phone had died before I left the former city. At 6pm I had 14 dollars in my pocket. I thought about buying another bag of chips for the ride home but the gas light came on. Ten dollars later and 4 dollars left until Providence.
4 minutes later and ten dollars less the thermostat in the car was steadily increasing upwards of 100 degrees. Autozone doesn’t sell engine coolers for less than 4 dollars much less anything else for that price.
But Technology? oh of course. I could have a car phone charger, but…oh, why bother.
Winter 2012 - A dinner party somewhere off the Orange Line.
I’m not a cook nor a host, neither am I a fan of small talk and if you invite me over I’m most likely to get drunk beforehand.
This is/was my friend Stacy. She hosts dinner parties and the space between our conversations has increased tenfold since this one. We have a rather close mutual friend and that mutual friend is the reason I have this picture.
I also took a picture of her fiance’s brother in the same pose that night. I don’t like him very much so I didn’t post it.